The title speaks in hyperbole but I can dwell on the many reasons why I hate winter, the flare-up of my seasonal affected disorder, atopic dermatitis, painful arthritis in my hands and hips, the chilly discomfort, static electricity, brutal wind-chill values, snow and ice removal after the city plow deposits a mountain of heavy detritus; shortened daylight hours and a faltering pulse as Lois announces our energy bill total.
I could go on but it would be a pernicious exercise so I'll consider something positive.
In my AA meetings I often hear the phrase "attitude of gratitude" and then I forget it when the rubber meets the road. Thanklessness is an affront to my Lord who rescued me from near-death alcoholism in 1989 which doctors dismiss as a medical anomaly. They haven't experienced this same miracle. To go from craving a drink so badly that I would crawl on the floor for a drink because my legs failed, to having no desire for booze at all. Zero craving! The experience repaired my belief in God, from a divine practical joker or an indifferent detached God to a personal God.
I have another blessing in Lois, my beloved wife who suffered so intensely during the last few months of my drinking. She didn't bail out, but helped me with my recovery after I graduated from treatment. She is a diamond! Women like her ain't available for a dime a dozen. I'm lucky enough to have a jewel in my life.
Another blessing: a beagle and a corgy/Scottish terrier. Their antics frustrate us and amuse us. They give us unconditional love, same as God does, and yes I see a parallel in relations, as my antics must also frustrate and gratify God.
Another blessing: seasonal affected disorder along with a disturbing dream sank me into depression. Depression isn't just a sad feeling or feeling sorry for one's self. It's deep and dark and painful. It paralyzes, incapacitates, and last Monday the 22nd it had me staring into space with internal darkness and despair and free-floating anxiety. I hid it. I'm good at hiding depression, although I did finally tell Lois. It's hard to tell that to somebody.
When I was working the night shift I was lugging this sack of heavy depression. It was difficult to think, to focus. I checked in guests with a plastic smile and I just wanted to be alone. I came to the limit of toleration and prayed out loud (in solitude) for the Lord to take away this horrible darkness, to chase away the demons that were telling me I was worthless, that bad things would happen to me because I had committed so many sins.
Within minutes the depression was gone. My tiredness replaced with energy and joy, I zipped through the shift and praised God for helping His child. I was like Scrooge after his encounters. A wonderful, quiet and simple Christmas week ensued, including Christmas eve service at Woodland Church as well as the community Christmas Day dinner, also at Woodland.
Another blessing: an elderly couple moved into the rental next door in November and I just continued to remove the snow from their garage and the front of their house as I had done for the previous tenants. The woman poked her nose out the front door as I was chopping ice and thanked me profusely with a charming Finnish brogue. "How can ve repay?" Seri lamented.
"Just do something nice for somebody else. I don't want any money, won't take any money!"
The husband, Tim left a full can of gas next to my snowblower during the night.
They will be wonderful neighbors. Little do they know that I'll also cut their lawn this coming summer.
God is good!
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